The Drunken Housewife has a heckuva post about her blog's impact on her kids and the attention it has drawn. I won't spoil it here, so go read it and follow the link.
As I increase with years, I have come to realize one thing certain of the parent-child relationship. There is not one among the living or dead who has raised offspring in such proper and effective manner that the child is deprived of issues which require subsequent resolution in adulthood.
There is no path so wise that would shelter a child from all forms of trauma. It is part of being human. For inasmuch as I try to avoid repeating the mistakes of my parents and grandparents, the uniqueness of my situation will inevitably bring forth misunderstandings and missteps in my own actions as parent.
I can only hope that my daughters' path might be a short durations of weekly visits and rather than a lifetime of self-destructive behaviors. Sometimes conscientious parents are too hard on themselves, focusing so heavily on the damage, and ignoring how they foster resilience in children.
With that in mind, let's put on a copy of that great modern folk paean to self-discovery, "Closer to Fine" by the Indigo Girls.
Official Sony BMG Video of "Closer to Fine", not embedded because they don't allow it for this clip
Hard to believe it's been 20 years since that track was released, no?
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
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3 comments:
My favorite song by my favorite musical artists. And it covers and soothes a multitude of life's ills. Good choice.
--V
This is actually a pretty wise post, 2am. Parents do tend to beat themselves up excessively, over their kids' screw-ups.
It is humbling in the extreme to come to the realization that, even doing the best you possibly could, you're still a fallen, sinful human being, and that will inevitably redound to the pain of your kids. Our parents did it to us, and their parents did it to them, etc, etc. Parents' mistakes screwing up their kids is just part of human life, and I've come to believe that a big part of being a grown-up is understanding that, for all their flaws and sins, your own parents did the best they could with what they had, and being grateful for that.
And realizing that you're gonna do the same thing to your kids, and hoping like mad that "Love [can]cover a multitude of sins".
But you know, even if you raised your kids perfectly (which none of us is ever gonna do, but hypothetically speaking. . .), they still live in a fallen world, and other folks' screw-ups are gonna bump into our kids, and have their deleterious effects on 'em. And the joker in the deck is that our kids have free wills, and can choose to screw up all on their own, in spite of our best intentions for their lives.
So we end up doing the best we can, trying to love each other as best we can, hoping that things don't spiral too catastrophically out of control this side of Heaven. . .
So - are you wondering who else I've cheered up today?
;)
I've parented my boys in opposite ways than I was parented, because I wasn't parented very well.
In spite of all my efforts to "do it better", I'm sure my boys will have a list of things I've done wrong.
As Desmond points out, in addition to what I might have done wrong, my kids have also had to walk in the bigger world and I'm sure they've picked up issues along the way.
I always think that as parents we can only do our best. Some days we do better than others and the hope is, that overall, we've done a pretty decent job.
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